


I can't give you my friendship ...

by Lumeriel



Category: The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison
Genre: First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, attempted murder (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:40:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23602468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumeriel/pseuds/Lumeriel
Summary: Following Dach’osmer Tethimar’s attempted assassination, Maia has struggled dealing with his newly discovered feelings, which include certain nohecharis.
Relationships: Deret Beshelar/Maia Drazhar
Comments: 2
Kudos: 26
Collections: Love in Quarantine Times





	I can't give you my friendship ...

**_… I give you my heart._ **

Two days. Lying face up on the bed, surrounded by the curtains, Edrehasivar VII remained with his eyes open, fixed on the felines that adorned the canopy.

They had been complicated, suffocating days –revealing conspiracies, discovering murderers and accomplices, judging ... and in the midst of all that, every time the emperor closed his eyes, he only saw an image: in his lap, protecting him, locking him against the throne, Lieutenant Beshelar was bleeding to death.

He took a slow breath, filling his lungs, trying to breathe calmly. He forced himself not to turn his head towards the window. As great as his desire to verify that the lieutenant was still there - safe and sound - he knew that Beshelar himself would not approve of his weakness. And it was that he could not allow **this** specific weakness to be perceived by anyone.

He took a deep breath again and lowered his eyelids. He shuddered. He saw it all again, as if time had been stopped, slowly, in pictures that moved unnaturally. He saw Dach’osmer Tethimar pounce on him, the dagger gleaming in his hand. He saw Lieutenant Beshelar step forward, stand in the middle, cover him with his body. He saw the dagger piercing through the dark fabric, entering the outstretched arm above him. He saw the blood… and Beshelar's dark eyes rose to him, as if making sure he was alive, that he had saved him.

A gasp escaped him and he opened his eyes. Laboriously, he controlled the urge to get up and jump off the bed.

A slight sound caught his attention. A clear throat. He took a deep breath and waited.

“Serenity…”

Maia closed his eyes.

"Is something wrong, Lieutenant Beshelar?" He asked, too tired to impress any tone of authority on his voice.

"Serenity, can't you sleep?" Beshelar asked.

Maia blinked, puzzled that Beshelar had started the conversation. If it had been Cala or Kiru, Maia would not have been surprised; but Beshelar ... Beshelar never ...

"We are not sleepy," he replied. “We think ... I think I'm still upset by ... everything that has happened.”

He scolded himself inwardly for complaining. However, complaining to Beshelar ... seemed natural.

"Don't worry, Serenity: Cala and I ... we are here."

"I know," he replied hastily. “I know you are willing to ... I know I am not in danger with you here.”

It was the easiest way to get out of the situation. He wished Beshelar would be the same as ever. He wished he would be silent and severe again, distant ... and so he would forget that he could have bled out in his lap, could have died there, without him having time to tell him ...

He closed his eyes, banishing the thoughts from the back of his mind.

A few minutes passed in silence and Maia felt his breathing calm again.

"Serenity, we ... Serenity, I was afraid for you. I am afraid for you.”

Beshelar's voice was a low murmur, barely audible in the night silence. Maia did not move, guessing that the lieutenant believed him asleep at last.

"I am afraid that one day I ... I will not be able to protect you. I keep wondering what if Cala hadn't used the correct spell? What if Dach’osmer Tethimar had managed to bounce back and land a better strike? What if you had ...?”

_They would have buried you with me_ , Maia thought, and a chill ran down his spine.

"I am not afraid of death," continued the nohecharis. “I'm not scared of my death. If you ... if you died, I ...”

He had stopped using the formal tone, adopting an intimate tone, and Maia savored the words, holding his breath.

“I feel like we can't be friends, Serenity… I feel like I can't be your friend; but my heart ... you have my heart completely ... Maia.”

_Maia._

_Maia._

It was the sound of his name that prompted him to jump up, pull the curtains aside, and lie still, panting with anticipation.

Beshelar was at the window and when the emperor emerged from the safety of his bed - too awake - he stepped back, as if he wanted to sink into the windowsill.

"Serenity ..." he said with an expression of fright and fell to his knees. “Sorry, Serenity. I have disturbed your rest. I ... whatever punishment you choose.”

“Say it again.”

Beshelar looked up, frowning. Maia himself was somewhat surprised at his command tone.

"My name," he clarified. “Say it again.”

“Serenity…”

“My name. I want you to say my name like you just did. I want you to say looking into my eyes ... Deret.”

The lieutenant opened his mouth and was as if frozen, trying to understand what was happening.

Unexpectedly, he scrambled to his feet and leaped forward.

Maia leaned his head back still holding on to the curtain with one hand, fixing his wide eyes on the face of his nohecharis, which now hovered over him like a hawk on its prey.

"If you're going to punish me," Beshelar declared hoarsely, "at least I'll make it worth it ... _Maia_."

The emperor held his breath and gasped in surprise as the lieutenant's lips pressed against his.

It took Maia a few seconds to realize that he was receiving his first kiss ... and that it was Beshelar who was giving it to him.

Anxious, he opened his mouth and drank the triumphant moan of the other man along with the thrust of his tongue that slipped inside.

He had wondered many times what it would be like - what it would be like to kiss, to be kissed, to provoke in another person the need, the impulse ... He let himself be guided by the mouth that explored and nibbled, devouring and adoring in equal measure.

He let out a sigh when Beshelar released his mouth; but the lieutenant did not move away, but went down his neck, tracing the skin with his lips parted.

Maia raised a hand and clutched at the guard's nape, tangling his fingers in his hair.

Beshelar straightened up again, seeking his lips and kissed him once more.

The emperor felt a storm sweep through his mind, his body. All of his skin quivered and his fingers trembled in the other man's hair, tangled in his shirt.

This time, the nohecharis fell back completely and dropped to his knees once more.

"You can punish me now," he said in a hoarse, panting voice.

“Punish you?” Maia repeated, still stunned. “Of what…?”

"I have offended you, Serenity. I have stained your august person with my touch, with my wishes ... with ...”

Maia was certain that he did not need to hear the end of that phrase; but even so, he said:

"Do you love me, Beshelar?"

The guard looked up at his face and in the sparkle in his eyes, the emperor saw the answer.

"I've been so scared, Deret," he softly said. “I've been so scared remembering how you were hurt, thinking that you could have died and I ... I didn't even know how important you were to me.”

He felt liberated when he said it out loud. Smiling, he met the gaze of his guard and declared, gently:

"I like it when you say my name."


End file.
